You know how every now and then someone will say something to you and it slides over you like warm water. This one made me swoon..
"I want to make love in a way that if I God were watching I wouldn't be ashamed" - P.S.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
It's that time again....Cave sweeping time!!
Well, it's been nearly a year since my first blog and admittedly I've been negligent. It's hard to believe anyone could possibly be interested in my ramblings. Yet, my Jeanie called the other day to hear me do just that. I was comic relief for the not so comical day she was having. For some reason I make her laugh. She's one of the funniest people I know and I was honored she chose me. My Roni loves to just hear me laugh. Hmmm....Maybe I should tape my laugh and find out what's so funny.
Anyway, let's see, I'll be 51 in just over a month. I've enjoyed saying "I'm 50!" so much that I'm not sure I want to say 51. I mean, it's an odd number. Kinda like being 22 years old. Where's the pop? No big thing to look forward to like being almost 6 or almost 18, or 21. It's not that I want to go backwards, it just feels odd...but I digress...
Being a homeowner has been an adventure in the 3-4 months. My most prized physical possession is my house. I love it. It has everything I need - except food, of course. Food I can send for (Ain't cookin'! Can't make me!) but this house is strong and tested. I know who built and how and why and it will last me the rest of my life. It's everything I ever wanted, it's paid for and it's mine! I am the Queen and I love THAT!!
Of course this repair thing, not so much lovin' that. Don't think I was really listening when people talked about home maintenance. Running someone else's house is very different. Something broke, I called a repair man they fixed it and went away. Never saw the BILL!! New hot water heater, new central AC unit, new generator (ok I didn't need that but go back to last years posts from the hurricane. I'm saving my father's life here!), water line leak, new storm door, sewer backup thanks to the new construction in the new subdivision and other assorted crap. Do we need to talk about insurances and property taxes??
But I do love my house and willingly, if whiny, plan to do whatever it takes to keep it.
I'm working with my art. I adore it! There's so much in my head trying to get out that it sometimes paralyzes me. I have a lot of trouble getting started. The classes have really been good for me on so many levels. I have the confidence and drive to start but just can't pick an exit. Between the poetry, paint, and clay, and then the multitude of subjects I get stuck.
So now I have art therapy. Cool stuff! Really unjamming the doors so while more things are coming out, even more are coming to the front. Hmmm...'nuf of that.
Gotta go do stuff....brb
Anyway, let's see, I'll be 51 in just over a month. I've enjoyed saying "I'm 50!" so much that I'm not sure I want to say 51. I mean, it's an odd number. Kinda like being 22 years old. Where's the pop? No big thing to look forward to like being almost 6 or almost 18, or 21. It's not that I want to go backwards, it just feels odd...but I digress...
Being a homeowner has been an adventure in the 3-4 months. My most prized physical possession is my house. I love it. It has everything I need - except food, of course. Food I can send for (Ain't cookin'! Can't make me!) but this house is strong and tested. I know who built and how and why and it will last me the rest of my life. It's everything I ever wanted, it's paid for and it's mine! I am the Queen and I love THAT!!
Of course this repair thing, not so much lovin' that. Don't think I was really listening when people talked about home maintenance. Running someone else's house is very different. Something broke, I called a repair man they fixed it and went away. Never saw the BILL!! New hot water heater, new central AC unit, new generator (ok I didn't need that but go back to last years posts from the hurricane. I'm saving my father's life here!), water line leak, new storm door, sewer backup thanks to the new construction in the new subdivision and other assorted crap. Do we need to talk about insurances and property taxes??
But I do love my house and willingly, if whiny, plan to do whatever it takes to keep it.
I'm working with my art. I adore it! There's so much in my head trying to get out that it sometimes paralyzes me. I have a lot of trouble getting started. The classes have really been good for me on so many levels. I have the confidence and drive to start but just can't pick an exit. Between the poetry, paint, and clay, and then the multitude of subjects I get stuck.
So now I have art therapy. Cool stuff! Really unjamming the doors so while more things are coming out, even more are coming to the front. Hmmm...'nuf of that.
Gotta go do stuff....brb
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Sweeping out the cave..
Well, I'm back! Since I last posted lots of things have happened. Most of which may not be interesting to anyone but me -and maybe Jeanie - but I feel compelled to catch up.
Since I last swept the cave, My friends gave me a party and I turned 50 for real (so we can forget the doom of the last birthday post:-D)
I didn't want a big drunken bash. That would certainly have lead to pictures (and probably video! - hello YouTube!) of me drinking straight from a bottle of champagne or tequila as my makeup slid from my face along with any recognition of the fact that I was making an ass of myself. Then after leaving my dignity and most of my clothes in the driveway (yes...that's actually happened.) , I'd fall into bed, only to wake up with little memory of the nights events and the dreaded "I'm-too-old-for-this-shit!" hangover. The kind of hangover that sends you panicked and stumbling to the toilet in search of your old friend Ralph and fumbling for Aspirin and Maalox as you wondered what the hell had shit in your mouth while you were passed out. The kind that, in my 20's, I used to shake off with a little lunch (since I'd slept through breakfast), some soda and bitters, and maybe a "hair of the dog". Yeah, well to shake a hangover these days I'd have to swallow a sheepdog.
Anywho, I just wanted to see my friends, laugh, tell stories and just be in communion with the people I love and who love me. Well...my friends put together a gathering for me I will never forget. Though I was not involved in the planning, it was not a surprise as it is very difficult to surprise someone who has a specific list of acceptable activities. Sorta like trying to sneak up on a kidnapper to pay ransom before he's made his demands. But there were more surprises than I could have dreamed.
It was an early afternoon party. Imagine...daylight! I was taken to my friend's for the party. My arrival was videoed. (See, I knew there would be video). The house was beautiful - as always- but they had taken down their pictures and put pictures of me throughout my life all over their house. They were in frames, on the wall, under glass on every table, in the bathrooms, on the fireplace - everywhere. There were tiaras a scepter and a fuchsia feathered boa waiting. I was awestruck. All the people invited were my most favorite people in the entire world. Not one had been invited or arrived out of obligation. Many didn't know each other. These are the people with whom I have navigated my life. All different but all the same in that I truly love them and they truly love me. They know the best and worst of me.
One by one they gave speeches about what I had meant to their lives. My mother told stories about me growing up. Some made me squirm because as a teenager I was a real smart ass and a handful. Everybody laughed and nodded in recognition. I obviously haven't changed much. We all laughed and talked. I was so honored awed by their love and respect for me. I felt so blessed that they thought as much of me as I did of them. I love them all so much. Not everyone was able to make it and I missed them but I felt no slight. Perhaps some invitations were still floating in cyberspace. They were still with me. I would have liked them all to meet each other, still, I can't imagine the day having been any more perfect. They are my family. We help each other. We work, create, laugh, cry, love, fight, dream, wish and hope together. We will grow old together. I know this because I have a little more time behind than I have ahead. At 20 I thought a long time friend was one I'd had a year. Now I can tell how long I've had a friend if they knew me when I didn't have gray hair or when I could dance a whole song - in heels! or.....when I could recover from a hangover with a little lunch, some soda and bitter, and a hair of the dog.
And by 8pm, the dishes were clean, the garbage was out, everyone was safe at home and my clothes were in the dirty clothes hamper they belonged. The next morning I was glad to be a grownup.
To all my friends:
With everything I am
I love you.
I could never thank you
for what you've taught me
for what you've added to my life
for how you've held me
shielded, carried me
and made me whole.
Whether you ever read this or not,
my gratitude is in the universe
waiting for you.
"You incite me to chorus"*
*- from Jill Scott's Lycel in D
Since I last swept the cave, My friends gave me a party and I turned 50 for real (so we can forget the doom of the last birthday post:-D)
I didn't want a big drunken bash. That would certainly have lead to pictures (and probably video! - hello YouTube!) of me drinking straight from a bottle of champagne or tequila as my makeup slid from my face along with any recognition of the fact that I was making an ass of myself. Then after leaving my dignity and most of my clothes in the driveway (yes...that's actually happened.) , I'd fall into bed, only to wake up with little memory of the nights events and the dreaded "I'm-too-old-for-this-shit!" hangover. The kind of hangover that sends you panicked and stumbling to the toilet in search of your old friend Ralph and fumbling for Aspirin and Maalox as you wondered what the hell had shit in your mouth while you were passed out. The kind that, in my 20's, I used to shake off with a little lunch (since I'd slept through breakfast), some soda and bitters, and maybe a "hair of the dog". Yeah, well to shake a hangover these days I'd have to swallow a sheepdog.
Anywho, I just wanted to see my friends, laugh, tell stories and just be in communion with the people I love and who love me. Well...my friends put together a gathering for me I will never forget. Though I was not involved in the planning, it was not a surprise as it is very difficult to surprise someone who has a specific list of acceptable activities. Sorta like trying to sneak up on a kidnapper to pay ransom before he's made his demands. But there were more surprises than I could have dreamed.
It was an early afternoon party. Imagine...daylight! I was taken to my friend's for the party. My arrival was videoed. (See, I knew there would be video). The house was beautiful - as always- but they had taken down their pictures and put pictures of me throughout my life all over their house. They were in frames, on the wall, under glass on every table, in the bathrooms, on the fireplace - everywhere. There were tiaras a scepter and a fuchsia feathered boa waiting. I was awestruck. All the people invited were my most favorite people in the entire world. Not one had been invited or arrived out of obligation. Many didn't know each other. These are the people with whom I have navigated my life. All different but all the same in that I truly love them and they truly love me. They know the best and worst of me.
One by one they gave speeches about what I had meant to their lives. My mother told stories about me growing up. Some made me squirm because as a teenager I was a real smart ass and a handful. Everybody laughed and nodded in recognition. I obviously haven't changed much. We all laughed and talked. I was so honored awed by their love and respect for me. I felt so blessed that they thought as much of me as I did of them. I love them all so much. Not everyone was able to make it and I missed them but I felt no slight. Perhaps some invitations were still floating in cyberspace. They were still with me. I would have liked them all to meet each other, still, I can't imagine the day having been any more perfect. They are my family. We help each other. We work, create, laugh, cry, love, fight, dream, wish and hope together. We will grow old together. I know this because I have a little more time behind than I have ahead. At 20 I thought a long time friend was one I'd had a year. Now I can tell how long I've had a friend if they knew me when I didn't have gray hair or when I could dance a whole song - in heels! or.....when I could recover from a hangover with a little lunch, some soda and bitter, and a hair of the dog.
And by 8pm, the dishes were clean, the garbage was out, everyone was safe at home and my clothes were in the dirty clothes hamper they belonged. The next morning I was glad to be a grownup.
To all my friends:
With everything I am
I love you.
I could never thank you
for what you've taught me
for what you've added to my life
for how you've held me
shielded, carried me
and made me whole.
Whether you ever read this or not,
my gratitude is in the universe
waiting for you.
"You incite me to chorus"*
*- from Jill Scott's Lycel in D
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